Today was Deegan's 3rd day of kindergarten...... I am having basket full of emotions. 1. Sadness 2. Excitement 3. Anger 4. Depression 5. Denial and 6. Blessed.
I can't believe my little boy is in kindergarten. I'm so excited for him and I hope his teacher is patient with him and his slow learning. Well I would call it "slow" I would say "Deegan speed" haha. Deegan is super smart. He can put a transformer together like it's nobody's business. There are a few times he has to show his parents how to do it right. He is also super imaginative I think if we let him he would live his entire life as a robot. So we have to remind him to talk like a big boy because robot isn't always understood. The way he introduces himself to others isn't you average introduction of "hi I'm Deegan" it's more like "roar I'm a robot dinosaur" which usually ends up with children running away in fright. While that's all cute and fun now I find myself getting extremely stressed out for his future and how others will treat him because he is a little different. I know I need to trust my parenting and trust that my son can handle his own battles by himself but I am terrified of him being bullied! I know this is every parents fear but truly fear it for him. I know for a fact that his little sister will defend him and make sure no one bullies him but when she isn't around I worry.
Background, we had Deegan tested for autism when he was 3 years old but it came back inconclusive. Meaning there weren't enough red flags to identify him as autistic. But I feel like he is getting worse with his social skills. So Jeremy and I have decided to get him tested again so that we can understand how to help him better. Cause right now we are in a limbo state. When he gets too overly emotional about something small I don't always know how to handle it so in the end I feel like a horrible mother because I don't understand my son fully. If you think I'm being ridiculous then just say so but I love my Deegadoo so much that I want him to have the best head start to his life that we can possibly give him. I've seen and heard of kids growing out of it eventually but it's finding the right way to help overcome his awkwardness with everyday interactions so others won't so quick to judge him and make fun of him for being a little different.I can't believe my little boy is in kindergarten. I'm so excited for him and I hope his teacher is patient with him and his slow learning. Well I would call it "slow" I would say "Deegan speed" haha. Deegan is super smart. He can put a transformer together like it's nobody's business. There are a few times he has to show his parents how to do it right. He is also super imaginative I think if we let him he would live his entire life as a robot. So we have to remind him to talk like a big boy because robot isn't always understood. The way he introduces himself to others isn't you average introduction of "hi I'm Deegan" it's more like "roar I'm a robot dinosaur" which usually ends up with children running away in fright. While that's all cute and fun now I find myself getting extremely stressed out for his future and how others will treat him because he is a little different. I know I need to trust my parenting and trust that my son can handle his own battles by himself but I am terrified of him being bullied! I know this is every parents fear but truly fear it for him. I know for a fact that his little sister will defend him and make sure no one bullies him but when she isn't around I worry.
I love Deegan the way he is and I don't want him to ever think that he is different because in our house he isn't he is our angle boy who has an imagination that I envy on a daily bases. But outside the safe zone of our home the world can be a little more cruel. It also could mean that I need to be less paranoid and just be his mom and keep loving him like I have his whole life and trust that Heavenly Father will protect him from those who mean him harm whether physically or mentally.
Deegan I am so proud of you and who are I love you so much. Since your first cry here on earth I knew that you were my special spirit. Thanks for reading my rant and God bless!
Love, Vanee
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