Blessings.......

Well...... I'm going to be real with you like I usually am but I feel like the worst human being. Now before you start getting after me and yelling at me that I'm not, relax. I know I'm not but I just feel like it. I have a few reasons:

1. I forget that I have a loving husband to see in me my potential, my talents, and he knows my heart more then I do sometimes.

2. I forget that I have 2 beautiful children that love me for me and all my craziness. They constantly tell me "I love you mommy" and are always asking for more hugs and kisses then I feel I deserve sometimes.

3. I forget that I'm not destitute. I have a roof over my head even though it's not where I want be right now, I am kept warm. I have clothes that protect me and food to keep me fed.

4. Lastly I have a Father in heaven and a bother, Jesus Christ, that loves me unconditionally and grant me mercy on a regular basis for all that I do wrong in this life.

My awesome husband can always tell when something is wrong and he asked me frequently what he can do to help but as always it's all up to me to change what I need to do to make myself happy. But last night as we were out and about he looked at me and said "when we get back to the hotel and put the kids to bed I want you to vent and scream if you must to help unload your thoughts that seem to occupy my wife lately. And I will just listen. When your done I will tell you what I think without judgment." So I thought about it for like a minute and said "ok, thank you."
Well needless to say I vented and cried but I felt better a lot better. But I was kind of surprised what his conclusion was...... I was bored with how my life is going. And he was right. I am bored, I don't have any hobbies that I pursue because I justify that we can't "budget it" to our list of things we already need to pay for. But I realized in that moment that I am bored with who I am and how my life is going which in the end makes me feel depressed and it's also why I throw myself so many pity parties. So my sweet husband told me that I need to be proactive and take charge of my life and make it as wonderful as I want to be but I have to do it myself and not back out like I normally do. I need find something that I absolutely love to do and do it. But if I'm honest I am extremely terrified to start because I have a huge history of starting something and never finishing them.

So here is my start to finding something that I love to do and along the way take my life in my hands and mold it the way that I want to. Heavenly Father granted me this life and need to live it to the fullest that I can. In order to feel confident and fulfilled I need to find my happiness. I hope that all my honesty wasn't too much and I hope that maybe I inspired someone to look for your happiness in life instead of getting bored and depressed with how your life isn't going. Love you and God bless!

Love, Vanee