Stuck

Well we are in the hotel still and we waiting to see if we can move in early to our house till all the final paperwork is finished but like everything right now, it's taking its sweet sweet time to get approved. We could have moved in today but because the seller forgot to do the notice of completion on all the house improvements. I don't blame the seller I just hate the we have been in this hotel for almost 2 months now and it feels like we will never leave and it doesn't help that we have been paying out of pocket since the 9th of this month. $2000 later we should be out of here?

Jer and I have been feeling very irritable and little things seem to set us off. We are just so extremely ready to be out of this place and have some privacy and quiet. We have been trying to stay positive but some days are harder then others. Veonna and Deegan I think are feeling it too. They seem more cranky too. The other sucky part is if we can move I at the end of this week we won't get our stuff till the 4th. Sorry for sounding picked on but I needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading God bless!

Love, Vanee

Blessings.......

Well...... I'm going to be real with you like I usually am but I feel like the worst human being. Now before you start getting after me and yelling at me that I'm not, relax. I know I'm not but I just feel like it. I have a few reasons:

1. I forget that I have a loving husband to see in me my potential, my talents, and he knows my heart more then I do sometimes.

2. I forget that I have 2 beautiful children that love me for me and all my craziness. They constantly tell me "I love you mommy" and are always asking for more hugs and kisses then I feel I deserve sometimes.

3. I forget that I'm not destitute. I have a roof over my head even though it's not where I want be right now, I am kept warm. I have clothes that protect me and food to keep me fed.

4. Lastly I have a Father in heaven and a bother, Jesus Christ, that loves me unconditionally and grant me mercy on a regular basis for all that I do wrong in this life.

My awesome husband can always tell when something is wrong and he asked me frequently what he can do to help but as always it's all up to me to change what I need to do to make myself happy. But last night as we were out and about he looked at me and said "when we get back to the hotel and put the kids to bed I want you to vent and scream if you must to help unload your thoughts that seem to occupy my wife lately. And I will just listen. When your done I will tell you what I think without judgment." So I thought about it for like a minute and said "ok, thank you."
Well needless to say I vented and cried but I felt better a lot better. But I was kind of surprised what his conclusion was...... I was bored with how my life is going. And he was right. I am bored, I don't have any hobbies that I pursue because I justify that we can't "budget it" to our list of things we already need to pay for. But I realized in that moment that I am bored with who I am and how my life is going which in the end makes me feel depressed and it's also why I throw myself so many pity parties. So my sweet husband told me that I need to be proactive and take charge of my life and make it as wonderful as I want to be but I have to do it myself and not back out like I normally do. I need find something that I absolutely love to do and do it. But if I'm honest I am extremely terrified to start because I have a huge history of starting something and never finishing them.

So here is my start to finding something that I love to do and along the way take my life in my hands and mold it the way that I want to. Heavenly Father granted me this life and need to live it to the fullest that I can. In order to feel confident and fulfilled I need to find my happiness. I hope that all my honesty wasn't too much and I hope that maybe I inspired someone to look for your happiness in life instead of getting bored and depressed with how your life isn't going. Love you and God bless!

Love, Vanee

Break Down

So I had a weak moment this morning...... I felt extremely picked on and annoyed with everything going in our lives lately. It doesn't help that I am due to start my time of the month soon which side note never comes on time and super irregular, anyways I got in the shower and just cried. I literally succumbed and curled into the fetal position and just cried. I gave into one of my many weaknesses.... Feeling sorry for myself. I tend to get this way when I'm really stressed or unhappy with how "My" life is going. I also start keeping a tally of all I feel I do for our family and I compare to what Jeremy does which is really horrible to admit. I want be honest admit my faults and choose to embrace them and try to correct them.

I came across this picture of a list that really made me want to reconsider how I look at my life.

I know I know this is list that we get taught a lot at church and my wise husband reminds me of but today as I saw it.... It really hit me and maybe now is the time for it to really hit me. So I am going to make this list and frame it on my wall to help me remember that everything in life isn't half empty but always half full. I hope that you will all join me in celebrating life's blessings when we see only the negatives.

I tend to be a negative person about a lot of things (which my husband reminds me of frequently) that don't I need to be negative about. So this could and can be my life line to keeping me positive about life in general.
I want thank you all for your love and support and being an inspiration to me one way or another love you all and God bless!

Love, Vanee

Snow.....

Well we are definitely living in Alaska. We had that first real snow last Friday and it's been snowing since 9 pm last night and it's not really supposed to stop till tomorrow...... Oh joy. But hey this is what we signed for and we are definitely excited and we will be Alaska certified winter experts lol. I had to bundle the kids up like marshmallow people and got all excited. My brown boots are starting to tear away from the sole so my feet are wet and freezing and we have to wait till we get paid this week to me some nice new boots yay!!!!!!
We are sick of the hotel but hopefully we will find out what the seller will do or won't do after our home inspection last week. Hopefully he will do the big stuff and most of the small stuff but we will see. I know most my military wife friends can understand this. I think it's safe to say that we won't be staying in a hotel for a long while after this. Lol
We went to our ward for the first time on Sunday it was awesome and very small and they weren't over bearing. I am excited for this new chapter in our lives!

Love, Vanee

Getting Old

 

Today was Deegan's 3rd day of kindergarten...... I am having basket full of emotions. 1. Sadness 2. Excitement 3. Anger 4. Depression 5. Denial and 6. Blessed.
I can't believe my little boy is in kindergarten. I'm so excited for him and I hope his teacher is patient with him and his slow learning. Well I would call it "slow" I would say "Deegan speed" haha. Deegan is super smart. He can put a transformer together like it's nobody's business. There are a few times he has to show his parents how to do it right. He is also super imaginative I think if we let him he would live his entire life as a robot. So we have to remind him to talk like a big boy because robot isn't always understood. The way he introduces himself to others isn't you average introduction of "hi I'm Deegan" it's more like "roar I'm a robot dinosaur" which usually ends up with children running away in fright. While that's all cute and fun now I find myself getting extremely stressed out for his future and how others will treat him because he is a little different. I know I need to trust my parenting and trust that my son can handle his own battles by himself but I am terrified of him being bullied! I know this is every parents fear but truly fear it for him. I know for a fact that his little sister will defend him and make sure no one bullies him but when she isn't around I worry. 

Background, we had Deegan tested for autism when he was 3 years old but it came back inconclusive. Meaning there weren't enough red flags to identify him as autistic. But I feel like he is getting worse with his social skills. So Jeremy and I have decided to get him tested again so that we can understand how to help him better. Cause right now we are in a limbo state. When he gets too overly emotional about something small I don't always know how to handle it so in the end I feel like a horrible mother because I don't understand my son fully. If you think I'm being ridiculous then just say so but I love my Deegadoo so much that I want him to have the best head start to his life that we can possibly give him. I've seen and heard of kids growing out of it eventually but it's finding the right way to help overcome his awkwardness with everyday interactions so others won't so quick to judge him and make fun of him for being a little different.
I love Deegan the way he is and I don't want him to ever think that he is different because in our house he isn't he is our angle boy who has an imagination that I envy on a daily bases. But outside the safe zone of our home the world can be a little more cruel. It also could mean that I need to be less paranoid and just be his mom and keep loving him like I have his whole life and trust that Heavenly Father will protect him from those who mean him harm whether physically or mentally.
Deegan I am so proud of you and who are I love you so much. Since your first cry here on earth I knew that you were my special spirit. Thanks for reading my rant and God bless!
Love, Vanee

And the news is.......

 

We are getting our FIRST HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can not put enough exclamation points to help you understand how excited we are about this!!!!! In our whole 7 years of marriage we have never been able to own a house and now we get to in the great state of Alaska. We will be living in a town called North Pole. I know there is actually a town called North Pole, Alaska. And yes the town is literally themed in Christmas all year round. But Jeremy is only 10 minutes away from Fort Wainwright which is super nice and Deegan's school is only 12 minutes away so we scored with location!
The house is a 3 bed 2 bath and its over 1400 sq ft and its never been lived in so we are the first and we are so excited about that! The inside is immaculate but the outside isn't done yet which gives us something to do this spring and summer. It's in a secluded area so we get a lot of privacy. 

Kids and public bathroom.

 

 The garage.

 Bedroom #1

 



Bedroom #2

 

Master bath

Master bedroom

Hallway from the garage.

Kitchen

Kitchen

Family Room

Close up of kitchen.

 

I don't want you all to think that I'm acting like a spoiled brat but we have never had anything like this in our entire marriage so that's my excuse for acting this way. We almost didn't take it because it was too good to be true and we felt like we didn't deserve it but we knew that it was our turn to spoil our selves with living in a place that we absolutely love! So this is our new home!!! We close hopefully around the 27th of October.
I am going to need a little bit of your help to help design and decorate the house! I'm so freaking excited ahhhhh!!! Sorry, not sorry.
I will record a video of it when we go in with the inspector. Wish us luck!!!

With lots of love, Vanee

Welcome/Technical Difficulties

Well my last post didn't go according to plan. There was still another 2 paragraphs to it and it cut it off so I apologize for the cliff hanger. I appreciate those who took a look at it though it gives me some encouragement to keep going and sharing all the new "choices" I am going to make in this new chapter of my family's and I life. I am going to post some exciting news here shortly that my hubby and I are super giddy and nervous about so stay tuned for our announcement.... And no it isn't a baby for all of you that are guessing hehehehe.... I feel like an evil person holding and evil secret and your all going to wait and see what it is hahahaha! (Evil laugh inserted)

But in other news today marks Jeremy's and I 7th anniversary!!!! I can't believe it's been an amazing 7 years of fun, goofy, hard, beautiful years. I am still madly in love and I still get butterflies and we still flirt. I can't wait for more years to come to still perfect our imperfect marriage. Hahahaha which makes the news I'm talking about above that much more awesome!!!!

Love, Vanee